"Camp"

“Camp” By Donna (Amado) June 2009

This has taken me a long time to get into print (sorry Gram) because the thought of Camp evokes such strong feelings, in many layers, that it is difficult to capture effectively and I surely won’t do it justice here…

Camp holds 3 major dual-components for me, personally:
· Stillness & Reflection
· Depth & Processing
· Love & Acceptance

It’s a lot of work and planning (for me) to get up there; lists of what we’ll all need, laundry, pack camping supplies and necessities, coolers, load up the car, buy food on the way, 3-hour drive…but once I see those first camp signs on the tree I begin to feel some release of the vice that accumulates from the pressure of the “real world,” which gradually becomes far removed from the Camp experience. The next set of camp signs brings further release which depending on the mood of the moment, the music on at the time, and if the kids are awake; can make me cry. The first priority upon arrival is to hug hello and quick catch up with Gram and greetings to whoever happens to be at Camp. You guys know me, I can’t actually relax until I unload the car (still miss my Jeep) and set up home-base. I have no problem being teased for this (“Setting up the condo?”)
Once that is done, I NEED to head to the water, where the kids are already waiting – “Can we swim NOW, Mama???” Suits, sunscreen, dry towels, book, journal, camera; ahhhh…the internal chaos begins to settle into a calm stillness allowing me to reflect on what has been stuffed down to allow me to keep going every day at home.
An eternal connection occurs; to the “self” and the loving of others - family and friends who also reflect and connect in this vortex of compassion and wisdom that Camp becomes when we gather. A little piece of me lives at Camp all year long waiting for me to come back to myself.
I believe that being at Camp allows for stillness and introspection which brings out the depths of each of us. This can be (usually is for me) a good thing; bringing about self-acceptance, growth, and peace. This has also been known, at times, to cause conflict to arise. Those conflicted either clear the air and continue to love, or they leave, usually not to return! “Who the hell is Linda?” (I never knew, but have had “Lindas” of my own at Camp!)
While at home, I may meet someone and imagine how would they fit in at Camp? Would they respect Gram and the “Elders”? Would they walk the loop with me; swim to the raft, kayak, and help to keep the children safe? Would they pitch in or expect others to carry their weight? Would they “get” the humor? Can they be still and insightful, compassionate, empathetic, silent? My imaginings of other’s capabilities have not always (as you who love me know) coincided with the reality so I no longer put too much weight on this projection, but sometimes I can rule them out right away from the exercise!
Camp is joy and cathartic love and Gram is the nucleus of the microcosm of Camp. Gram lovingly knows “her” people. She senses when to give you space and when a quiet sit together is just the thing. So when Gram offers conversation and advice, one listens and shares.
Gram and her Stoddard Clan are some of the most wonderful people on the planet and I like to think that they/we do her proud by being who we are. I often feel a bit on the edge looking in, as I do in most realms, but only of my own doing. I dive in and duck out based on my absorption level and need for solitude, of which I get very little of at home and often crave like a drug – peace and solitude. Yet, I deeply love my Camp family and know they embrace me even with my flaws. Being there feeds my soul like nestling in the Great Mother’s womb.